So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
