Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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