I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Welp...herpes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
