BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How's work?
Spinning.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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