I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
