i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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