Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
