Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
