he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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