I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
