she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize