the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
