i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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