Your mouth is God's brothel.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
