put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish my penis had a tongue
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
