I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Still dying that you shit outside
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
