shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
