this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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