if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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