I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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