Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
