there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
