There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
