I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
