my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's just like the Real World with babies
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
