best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
