I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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