I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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