She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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