He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
