great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
