I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
