I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
