do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
