you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
