Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
