My friends, they love my intelligence
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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