that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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