I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have fence marks all over my body
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
