Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
