how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
