We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
