Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
