Sorry, I don't speak sober.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
