it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
