The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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