I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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