i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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