I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
