i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
