I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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