No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
