Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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