I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
