she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize