You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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