apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
