All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Randomize
