I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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