all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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