she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
