hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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